for you my sweet friend!

I found out some sad news about you yesterday.
My life will be changed forever, and yours has ended forever.
I cant believe i wont hear your voice again, i cant comprehend ill never see u pop up in chat with our usual greetings of "hey my little spunk muffin", i cant believe i'll never feel the warmth of your Strong hugs again.

I wonder if you knew how much you meant to me. I wonder if you knew how much you meant to everybody you ever come across. I wonder why you went to such lengths to end, what we saw , as a beautiful life. I wonder why you couldnt wait til you got home for your loyal family n friends to reassure you all would be ok. I just keep wondering! Its all i can do as nothing makes sense.

Most of all i wonder WHY?

As i sit here, with memories and tears flooding, i cant help but feel numb, but at the same time, so much pain, anger, hurt and grief.

I will never forget our time together.

I will never forget our one special night together.. the night that sealed our friendship but ended up destroying our hope of finding that special someone.. hehehehe it was almost a laughable offence, but it also bought us so much closer!

We still found that special someone, you will always be special to me. You will always hold a place in my heart.
And im sorry i didnt let you know that often enough.

I dont know why im writing this, i know your not going to be reading this, nor never read it.
I know i will never see your comments on any of my blogs again. (i will miss your comments)
But i need to write.

i know no one will read this, but i dont care..

i just need to get it out there.

My friend, you made me smile, you made me laugh.. you made me wanna smack you in the face, and now you have made me cry. I never thought that was possible coming from you.. the man that ended every conversation by saying

" Cindy Billington, you are the coolest chick ive ever met and i love the Billo! "

You are the only man to ever say those words to me, and now i will most likely never hear them again..
Thank you for those words. They meant a lot every single time you said them.
Thank you my friend, for being you.

Will miss you, will love you, cherish you forever!

I hope i can forgive you.

Til we meet again my spunk muffin xoxoxoxoxo